


A Stupid Plan

by Goldilocks92



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas at Grimmauld Place, Drunk Hermione Granger, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Happy Ending, One Shot, Order party, Ron is a git, Snape is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25058434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldilocks92/pseuds/Goldilocks92
Summary: A silly little one-shot I started years ago and finally finished.During the Christmas festivities after the end of the war, Hermione drunkenly concocts a stupid plan with Sirius in order to get back at Ron. Little does she know that the man she has been longing for for months will choose this very night to return... HG/SS
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	A Stupid Plan

It was a stupid plan, immature, beneath her really. Hermione shrugged. Sometimes it was necessary to lower yourself a bit to other people’s levels. Specifically, Ron’s level.

It was Christmas time, only six months since the end of the war. Everyone had gathered at Grimmauld Place to spend the season together. One big dysfunctional family.

Hermione sat in a couch in the corner of the living room, steadily drinking her way through a bottle of firewhiskey, and watched the people around her. Lupin and Harry seemed to be engaged in a serious conversation in the opposite corner, talking in quiet undertones while Lupin rocked Teddy’s cradle between them. Tonks, Sirius and a few of the Weasley boys were laughing raucously at the bar, encouraging each other to down their drinks and occasionally bursting out into song when a favourite was played on the wizarding radio.

Ron and Lavender were entwined on the sofa, their amorous activities bordering on heavy petting. It was apparent that they had no regard for anyone around them. Hermione’s lip curled at the sight. It wasn’t that she was jealous. No, she had been very relieved when she and Ron had broken up almost as soon as they had gotten together. But the speed at which he had bounced back to Lavender had frankly been insulting, and the publicness of the whole matter had been somewhat humiliating.

And then she had heard Ron boasting about his conquest to some of the others in the kitchen late a couple of nights ago. ‘Lavender’s great’, he puffed out his chest. ‘She’s really mature, you know, knows what she’s doing. She’s not ashamed of her sexuality, not afraid of taking what she wants. Unlike… well, you know.’

Hermione had stormed away fuming. Yes she did know. Know that she hadn’t been ready to sleep with a man-child who should have known better than to try to push her into sex so soon after all the horrors they had experienced in the final battle. Know that her problem hadn’t been her maturity or sexuality, but rather the lack of grace and sensitivity of her partner. Know that she wouldn’t have hesitated if she had been in the arms of a certain dark hero she had been fantasising about for the best part of a year.

Hermione shook her head and took a big gulp from her glass. Best not to let her thoughts stray down that avenue again. He was gone. They had spent a year in close quarters, brewing together to further the war effort, and then suddenly he had disappeared. They hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since his brief appearance at the celebrations the night after the battle had been won. Clearly, she had misunderstood the tension that she thought she had felt silently growing between them in those final months.

She was startled from her musings when the Weasley twins started loudly singing a very dirty version of _Silent Night_. She looked up to see them swaying to the music arm in arm, identical expressions of cheek and mirth on their faces. Ron and Lavender had finally surfaced too, to watch the show.

Sirius made eye contact with Hermione and raised his eyebrows in question, a smile curling his lips. Hermione nodded. Now was a good time to execute the little plan they had concocted drunkenly the night before. She wanted to demonstrate to Ron once and for all that she wasn’t the sexless nun he was portraying her to be, and Sirius had always enjoyed a prank.

He put down his glass and strode towards her, holding his arms out wide. ‘Hermione!’ he shouted across the room as he approached, drawing the attention of the others. ‘I’ve missed you, my love’, and with a leering grin he pulled her up out of the couch, swung her in his arms, and settled them back down with her in his lap. There was a shocked silence as she leaned up to kiss him, before the Weasley twins started to belt out another, even dirtier verse while raising their glasses at the couple. The others joined in, too drunk to question the rather unexpected revelation of Hermione and Sirius as lovers.

Hermione slid her tongue into Sirius’ mouth, noting with interest that she felt no rise of desire, no twinges of passion in their interaction. Sirius was, she supposed, a very attractive man. Tall and muscly with a contagious light-hearted energy about him. But he was too insincere, too rowdy, too irresponsible for her. But when she opened her eyes and saw Ron’s slack-jawed expression of shock as he openly gaped at them, Hermione continued the performance with enthusiasm, pleased that the plan was working.

Eventually, she hopped out of Sirius’ lap and helped pull him up, pressing herself against him when he was standing. ‘Let’s take the show elsewhere,’ she whispered in his ear, giggling somewhat gleefully when she noticed that Lavender was still fruitlessly trying to regain Ron’s attention.

Sirius took her hand and almost ran from the room, dragging her behind him. To any observer, it would seem as though they were desperate to continue their love-making upstairs.

As she let herself be pulled up the stairs, laughing whole-heartedly at the rare fun she was having at the expense of the others’ misconceptions about her, Hermione failed to notice the horrified gaze which followed her from the dark figure standing stock-still in the hallway.

When they got into her bedroom, Sirius and Hermione leant against the closed door breathing heavily and laughing. It all might have seemed less funny if they had had less to drink, but as it was, it was hard to stop giggling once they had started.

They spent the next half hour jumping on the mattress and making loud sex sounds, moans and groans, laughing all the while.

‘You know,’ Sirius said at one point, suggestively waggling his eyebrows, ‘it would be easier if we actually shagged.’ He winked at her.

Hermione threw the pillow at him which she had been thumping against the headboard. ‘Over my dead body,’ she growled, picking up another pillow to whack him over the head with. He laughed in response, and she started giggling again. Merlin, it felt good to just let go and have some fun. It had been too long since she had allowed herself this much freedom from her thoughts and her memories and her longings for what she could never have…

When they left her room again, both Sirius and Hermione were breathless and bright-eyed with flushed cheeks. They looked just like a couple who had recently finished a wild bout of sex. Just as they had planned.

What they hadn’t planned for, was the figure waiting for them in the corridor, dressed all in black and visibly shaking with fury. Severus Snape loomed over them, a dreaded expression on his face and his eyes tinged with betrayal and disgust.

There was a moment where all three stood frozen. Hermione’s heartbeat thudded loudly through her body, her mind a mess of confusion in which no thought could solidify. Her eyes were locked on Severus’. His expression was a battering ram against her chest.

And then he spoke. His voice was low and hoarse; the lines of his face were deepened by the downward turn of lips.

‘Why him?’ he rasped, ‘anyone but him.’ He was devastated. ‘You’ve destroyed everything, Hermione.’

‘Severus –‘ Hermione started, but Sirius interrupted her.

‘ _Snivellus_ ,’ he sneered. ‘What a nasty surprise. Why don’t you leave Hermione here alone. Clearly… you’re not wanted.’ And he draped his arm around Hermione in a possessive gesture that made her recoil. _Shit, how could she have forgotten how awful they were together?_

Severus lunged at Sirius, his wand was suddenly in his hand, and Hermione was finally spurred into action. She shook off Sirius’ arm and quickly stepped forward, standing between the snarling men who seemed ready to break into a fight. Severus stopped short before her, breathing heavily and still glaring at Sirius. Hermione raised her hand and put it on his chest, drawing his gaze down to hers. She held it steadily, ignoring the wild beating of her heart, and said calmly but surely: ‘Sirius, leave. Now’.

‘But-‘ Sirius began to protest.

‘Now’ she commanded without looking away from Severus, and she heard Sirius reluctantly retreat before going back downstairs.

There was a pregnant pause as Hermione and Severus stood there in the corridor alone, her hand still on his chest and their eyes locked. He was breathing heavily and her heart was pounding with the shock, the confused elation, of seeing him again.

And then she shoved him, hard, and he stumbled back a few steps.

‘You left me, you bastard!’ she shouted, and stepped towards him, angrily. ‘Half a year! You just disappeared!’ She stepped forward again, and he was stock still, a deer in her headlights. But his eyes – they were still hurt and seething.

‘I saw you kiss Ron,’ he spat out, ‘I saw it. And now, now – _him_!’ Severus choked on the last word, barely bringing it out, and his hands clenched. ‘I thought – I hoped – but it’s too late. It can never happen, now.’

Hermione was speechless, a moment, and then she was angry. She closed the distance between them and shoved him again, and again, until his back was against the wall, his eyes shooting anguished sparks at her but otherwise submitting to her force.

‘So what,’ she snarled, ‘You don’t _want_ me now, I’m _tainted_ now?’ But at the very same time that her outrage spilled from her, the knowledge that he clearly _did_ want her, _had_ wanted her, bubbled up inside her, and she pushed his chest again, deeper into the wall, and then took his face in her hands and kissed him.

He pulled in a shocked gasp, his hands grasping onto her hips and squeezing, as if torn between pushing her away and pulling her closer, and she bit at his lips, how she had longed for those lips, and licked into his mouth and pressed her thumb against his sharp cheek bone and thrilled at feeling him, having him under her power, taking, _finally_ , what she wanted.

And then she pulled back again, just as his hands had given in and tried to pull her closer.

Severus looked shell-shocked, the anger gone from his eyes and replaced by a kind of stunned desire. And then Hermione laughed –

‘You idiot!’ exploded from her, and she laughed harder, the shock, the irony, the ridiculousness of the situation setting in and she was, after all, still a bit drunk. She looked up at his face, which displayed an unusual range of emotions, not least of which was offence. She stepped back to him and leaned her head against his chest and took one if his hands in hers. It felt so wonderfully warm against hers, his long fingers the stuff of her dreams.

‘You idiot,’ she sighed, and buried her head deeper into him, inhaling his beautiful scent into her lungs. His fingers twitched, but he didn’t take a move to hold her against him. He stayed stiff and silent.

‘Oh Severus,’ she sighed again, ‘I didn’t kiss Ron, he kissed me and I pushed him away. And I didn’t have sex with Sirius, it was just a stupid prank.’

Severus stood stock still for a moment, and then he folded, his arms wrapping around her back and pulling her tightly against him, while he lowered his head to her shoulder and took in a deep, shuddering breath. Hermione wound her own arms around him and stroked his back, soothingly. ‘You idiot,’ she breathed again. ‘I only want you’.

They stood there a while, holding each other. Hermione felt tired and drained and utterly content to be in his arms.

After a while, he lifted his head and moved back a bit, enough to be able to take her chin between his thumb and forefinger and lift her face up to meet her gaze. ‘Hermione,’ he said, and he smiled, not with his lips but in such a Severus way that she had to grin. ‘I want you too,’ he said, ‘so much.’ And then he kissed her gently, caressing her lips with his and sparking a happy flame which had been smouldering alone within her for so long.

They parted and breathed and looked at each other again, eyes glowing. ‘Come,’ she said to him, taking his hand in hers. ‘I’m tired and a bit drunk.’ She led him down the stairs. ‘I’m going to say bye to the others, who have surely been regaled with Sirius’ tales by now, and then you’re going to take me home and let me sleep. And in the morning, when I’m sober, and you’ve thought about your actions,’ she admonished him, not forgetting his implication that she had somehow been ruined for him by sleeping with Sirius, ‘we’ll talk again and perhaps, perhaps, I’ll even let you take me to bed, for real this time.’

Severus huffed out a dry laugh at her bossiness, then smirked and said ‘yes ma’am,’ before leaning down to kiss her again, slightly more hungrily this time, his hands burying themselves into her wild mane and pressing his hips into hers and sliding his hand down her back to give her bum a squeeze which made her knees weaken, before pulling away again and letting her go into the living room to take her leave of the others, breathless and flushed and grinning from ear to ear.

She left the others in a mixture of awe, shock, drunken amusement and, in Ron's case, slack-jawed flabbergasted horror, and in no doubt about which man had mussed her hair, flushed her cheeks and made her eyes shine.

And then she went back to her man, took his hand in hers, and led him triumphantly from the house.


End file.
